30 Random Thoughts Every Teen (Or Just Me) Has

- What's so romantic about a diseased staircase and blinding sunlight?! Please. Let me get to class.

- I'd rather eat my own arm then do trig integrals.

How to Be Happy: Life Hacks for a Teenager

For those who need encouragement.

Things You Can Do Faster Than "Happy Birthday" Can be Sung

So this past Friday was my birthday (hoot hoot) and in the midst of being sung to by a crowd of people, I realized that the “Happy Birthday” song is way too long. Are you supposed to clap along? Dance to the music? Perform a magic trick? For what seems like an eternity, people are staring at you, singing a song and all you can do is just sit there and smile.

Here's a list of things you can do faster than “Happy Birthday” can be sung:

- Discover you're a wizard, go on a quest, defeat a dragon, and save the world

The (Almost) Murder of My Eye

Because I'm a particularly incompetent person when it comes to all things athletic, I was in PE in the ninth grade. Besides other notable events like being the only one to fail the test on basketball (they didn't give me time to study in my defense), watching a girl get her tongue pierced by another girl in the bathroom (it was gross), and wearing glamorously ill-fitting, unisex clothing every day, one day I kinda, sorta got hit in the eye with a poster.

As a kid who had frequent nosebleeds, I always knew lame things would happen to me (no one cool has nosebleeds). An eye injury by a piece of paper was not surprising.