The (Almost) Murder of My Eye

Because I'm a particularly incompetent person when it comes to all things athletic, I was in PE in the ninth grade. Besides other notable events like being the only one to fail the test on basketball (they didn't give me time to study in my defense), watching a girl get her tongue pierced by another girl in the bathroom (it was gross), and wearing glamorously ill-fitting, unisex clothing every day, one day I kinda, sorta got hit in the eye with a poster.

As a kid who had frequent nosebleeds, I always knew lame things would happen to me (no one cool has nosebleeds). An eye injury by a piece of paper was not surprising.

That day we were waiting by the gym for the coaches to set up yet another riveting game of dodgeball in which all the girls couldn't care less and all the boys acted like it was prophesied for them to maul everyone with foam balls.

My friend was holding this rolled-up poster for her project. I was making some sort of joke and playful slapped her on the cheek. (It was a light slap okay? It was basically a caress if anything.) She returned the favor by playfully slapping my cheek with her poster, only she didn't notice that the edge of the poster had cut my eye.

Because probably none of you have gotten a paper cut on your eye, let me tell you that it freakin' hurts. I also have a huge fear of losing an eye and at the moment I felt like my eye was going to explode and fall out.

At this point, it was too painful to open my eyes so I stood there crying, trying to maneuver my way to the bathroom with my eyes closed. My friends had helped me into the bathroom where I thankfully concluded I wasn't blind.

I went and asked one of the coaches to let me go to the school nurse. He was a substitute coach and was too foreign to understand me so my nurse pass said "Bad Eye" on it (I have BEAUTIFUL EYES thank you very much).

And then I made the Walk of Shame to the nurse's office where I had to explain what had happened. While it had felt like my eye was hit by a bus and I expected my face to look mangled beyond recognition, there was just a small red scratch on my eye. Which made no one believe that anything actually happened to my eye.

The conversation with the nurse was really awkward; she was skeptical about my story. I'm pretty sure she would have been less surprised if a bus did hit my eye.

After she gave me some eye drops to soothe the pain and an ice pack for my eye, I was sent back to class where my fellow classmates had as much sympathy as a potato. My eye healed nicely (which was fortunate since my face is my moneymaker) but alas I suffer minor PTSD from the event.

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What's your weirdest injury story? Comment below!
I didn't actually have an eye-patch, but it makes me look cooler don't you think?