Jan 2, 2015

How to: Valentines Shmalentines

It's that time of year again, unfortunately. For us single (and gorgeous) people, Valentine's Day is just horrid. Lucky for you, there are a few ways of approaching and surviving this yearly anathema.

                1. Be happy! Yay for the couples who crowd our hallways with obnoxious (and most likely temporary) displays of their "love" for each other. Yay for the kids who buy "their women" aka 16 year old girls, the most expensive and ostentatious items to show off how well they treat girls (from stuffed animals meaning "I'm such a sweetheart" to jewelry meaning "Marry me. I shall father our future children like no other”). Have a "girl's night out"! Frolic in unsatisfying friendships! Yipee!

                2. Soul search. Valentine's Day is the perfect time to spot out fellow singletons, just look for the emotionally unstable. The more upset they are, the better chance you have! Even though the only people you'll find alone anywhere on Valentine's are alone for a reason, you're probably desperate and will date anyone. Because they're probably thinking the same thing about you, you might have to resort to being your own valentine. To fill the empty void, buy yourself something special. It's not like anyone else would anyways :(

                3. Face the inevitable. You are single. Possibly forever. Why not get used to it? Everyone's just intimidated by our radiating good looks and charming personalities. Heh...heh. I know you; planning on eating your feelings and crying into a bucket of ice cream to Adele’s Someone Like You tonight? Like you don't already have that planned *wink*. If you don't want to be alone this Valentine's, I heard animal shelters are filled with animals as desperate as you for company .Yay!

                4.Ignore V-day. It's just any normal day. Walk fast in the hallways to avoid any glimpse of couples and shades of pink. "Valentine's day? That's today? Pssh, no. That wasn't me drooling/wailing over that couple's love for each other. And that wasn't me crying in the bathroom..."

Happy Valentine's you majestic child. 

This post is from my Junior year of high school (My Glory Days) on my school's online newspaper. This old content will be labelled as Fetus Viviane for a glimpse into my 17 year old self. Yes, I made those cartoons on Paint. And yes, I guess I see myself as a bald, stick figure in a pink dress.  So glamorous.

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