Things You Can Do Faster Than "Happy Birthday" Can be Sung

So this past Friday was my birthday (hoot hoot) and in the midst of being sung to by a crowd of people, I realized that the “Happy Birthday” song is way too long. Are you supposed to clap along? Dance to the music? Perform a magic trick? For what seems like an eternity, people are staring at you, singing a song and all you can do is just sit there and smile.

Here's a list of things you can do faster than “Happy Birthday” can be sung:

- Discover you're a wizard, go on a quest, defeat a dragon, and save the world

The (Almost) Murder of My Eye

Because I'm a particularly incompetent person when it comes to all things athletic, I was in PE in the ninth grade. Besides other notable events like being the only one to fail the test on basketball (they didn't give me time to study in my defense), watching a girl get her tongue pierced by another girl in the bathroom (it was gross), and wearing glamorously ill-fitting, unisex clothing every day, one day I kinda, sorta got hit in the eye with a poster.

As a kid who had frequent nosebleeds, I always knew lame things would happen to me (no one cool has nosebleeds). An eye injury by a piece of paper was not surprising.

Cut Me Some Slack + Haircut

Top: Forever 21 - $17
Slacks: H&M - $25
Flats: Ross - $10

Recent Daily Trials

I've been pretty busy... with embarrassing myself. Here's a list of recent embarrassments:

- I was washing my hair with one hand. As I brought up my other hand to help, I jumped and screamed in the shower thinking it was someone else's hand. I basically momentarily forgot I had two hands.

- I discovered the new "Potato Bar" in the dining hall. The server gestured towards a pair of tongs saying "Use those and get a bowl and a potato." I had interpreted the message as saying I needed to use the tongs to pick up the bowl. Now, I'm not a ninja warrior, so I thought it was a really odd custom of the Potato Bar to have to pick up a bowl with a pair of tongs, but nonetheless I "tried".