Mar 15, 2015

How to Pay for College Tuition

College is weird.

You live in a less-glamorous version of a hotel full of other teenagers, eat pizza 4 days of the week, and have to walk 57318 miles a day. But college is also expensive, and instead of getting a job, here are some fast ways to rake in the cash:

- Sell your hair on the black market. Being bald and educated isn't such a bad thing.

- Babysit a thousand children or Brangelina's children (it's basically the same thing). Don't even limit yourself to children; babysit adults and the elderly. Or don't even limit yourself to humans!

- Become a hand model. Put those beautiful things to work.

- Start charging for your friendship. Every possible interaction can be monetized. $5 for every social media mention. $10 for a 4 minute conversation. $100 to be in a 6 feet radius. Sky's the limit!

- Put your brother/sister up for adoption. Because who needs siblings when you can be educated. Priorities.

- Run a car/dog/human wash. Wash everything and ANYTHING.

If none of these work for you, you can always put yourself up for adoption in hopes of having Brangelina adopt you.

But despite having to face low-key poverty, hunger, and actual physical exercise, college is a pretty awesome experience.

Please let me know how much cash you got from these tips; putting your sibling up for adoption is probably enough for full tuition. Well, depending on how cute your sibling is. Comment below!

And if this is too much work for you, try just faking wealth.


  1. Outrageous GlamourMar 15, 2015, 5:46:00 AM

    Pfft, why just limit this to college tuition? These are great ways to earn money generally. I've already started charging for my friendship. Lol Right now I'm trying to get Beyonce to adopt me and if that doesn't work out I'm going to try to get winnie the pooh to adopt me instead. It'll happen one day.

  2. hahaha! This is so funny! I'm definitely going to put my siblings up for adoption...I'm thinking of contacting celebrities as that will earn me more money :P love this lol

  3. Haha thanks! Yeah siblings and celebrities are untapped resources!

  4. If Beyonce adopts you, PLEASE adopt me

  5. I'm a senior this year, and my mom and I were just talking about paying for college. Selling my hair in the black market is sounding better and better, haha!

  6. Right?! I heard there's a huge demand too!

  7. Hahaha! I'll be a second-year college student in one week, and I'm really glad college is a less expensive affair in India. Phew. My hair is safe.

    Geekie Chic

  8. Wait but India starts school NEXT WEEK? School for us is in the end of Aug! That's crazy soon.

  9. Oh, don't worry! College let out in April, so we still had over two months of summer to enjoy. It isn't even warm here anymore, it's rainy. :)

  10. Oh pheww! Have a good semester then!


Thanks for living in the fast lane and commenting, you cool kid you!