Jan 27, 2015

Why Ellen DeGeneres Should Adopt Me

I was tagged by the lovely Jelena from Social Fatality to do the 11 Questions tag, but I’m going to switch it up a bit. Instead of answering all eleven, I decided to just answer my favorites.

If you could teleport to your favorite celebrity’s house, what would you do?

If I was blessed with the power to teleport, you best bet that I would first go crazy. I’d travel the world, freak out some people by popping in and out, and never participate in any form of physical activity again. YAY. I’d try to find others like me, create a clan, and save the world if possible. Hey, maybe I’d also be involved in a mystical being relationship finally.

Once the hype of my new-found powers die out, I will teleport to the home of Her Highness, Ellen DeGeneres. After rummaging through her fridge, swimming in her pool (I don’t know if she has a pool, I’m just going off of rich stereotypes here), “borrowing” a couple souvenirs here and there, I’d then plead with Ellen and Portia to adopt* me with a very convincing list of reasons whilst dancing around her house.

Jan 21, 2015

Black & White

Top (dress): Forever 21 - $20
Skirt: Forever 21 - $15
Shoes: Keds - $35

Jan 17, 2015

How to Fake Being Rich

Unless you're a long lost Kardashian or an heir to the throne of Genovia, chances are you're nowhere close to being rich. Because actually working hard and earning money is such a hassle, your best bet for a luxurious life is just to fake it!  

- Just because you're a mere commoner doesn't mean you can't tell people that you are a long lost Kardashian or the next ruler of Genovia. No one should question you because of the strategic "long lost" phrase and the mention of a fictitious country should be believable enough. Add roman numerals and accents to your name to seem extra important.  

Jan 12, 2015

How to Attract Guys

I know this fountain of knowledge is high on demand so let's get to the point.

- Wear something boys will be attracted to, i.e. your favorite vegetable. Who wouldn't want to hook up with the voluptuous Red Onion? Extra points for committing to wear it for the rest of your life.

- The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Make sure to constantly make an effort to rub, caress, and pat his stomach often. Take the time to stare lovingly at that beautiful digestive sac of his.