Jan 27, 2015

Why Ellen DeGeneres Should Adopt Me

I was tagged by the lovely Jelena from Social Fatality to do the 11 Questions tag, but I’m going to switch it up a bit. Instead of answering all eleven, I decided to just answer my favorites.

If you could teleport to your favorite celebrity’s house, what would you do?

If I was blessed with the power to teleport, you best bet that I would first go crazy. I’d travel the world, freak out some people by popping in and out, and never participate in any form of physical activity again. YAY. I’d try to find others like me, create a clan, and save the world if possible. Hey, maybe I’d also be involved in a mystical being relationship finally.

Once the hype of my new-found powers die out, I will teleport to the home of Her Highness, Ellen DeGeneres. After rummaging through her fridge, swimming in her pool (I don’t know if she has a pool, I’m just going off of rich stereotypes here), “borrowing” a couple souvenirs here and there, I’d then plead with Ellen and Portia to adopt* me with a very convincing list of reasons whilst dancing around her house.

"My Reasons:
- I once met Amanda Bynes (before she got crazy) so that makes me kinda high-profile.

- I’ve decided to call Ellen “Mother-Lord” and Portia “Queen”.

- I will SHOWER you both with a hoard of gifts on Mother’s Day and sarcastically celebrate Father’s Day with you.

- Adopting an Asian child will make you look more culturally accepting and cooler. (Look at Bradgelina.)

- I will fake accomplishments so you'll always be proud of me. Have you heard about my Honorary Distinction for Existing Award?

- I don’t mind the last name “DeGeneres de Rossi”; frankly, it makes me sound like a super-fancy, French pastry chef or a kid-millionaire which would be awesome.

- If you’re not willing to adopt me, I have to warn you that since I have teleporting powers, I can and will hang out here all the time anyways."

If you could see yourself in ten years, where do you think you would be and what would you say to yourself?

If I could see myself in ten years, I’d probably puke and faint before my tinfoil bodysuit-wearing, hover board-skating, future self could do anything. I’d also trade this power back for my teleporting powers and go back to Ellen’s house.

If you were my neighbor, what kind of stuff would we do together?

Jelena, if we were neighbors, we’d terrorize the neighborhood with an illegal lemonade stand business, patrol the streets on motorcycles, and mark our territory by defacing property with graffiti. Or we would just be really civil and respectful neighbors who occasionally ask to borrow each others yard supplies and complain about the other neighbors.

I'm tagging whoever wants to do this tag to fill out Jelena's questions on her blog!

Whats a reason why Ellen and Portia should adopt you? And if you could adopt anyone, who would you adopt? Dibs on Ellen (is that weird?). Comment below!

*I'm not sure what my parents'll think about this...


  1. Outrageous GlamourJan 31, 2015, 6:36:00 AM

    I've already tried getting Ellen to adopt me, she didn't answer. It's either because she found me in her kitchen stuffing my mouth with her food or she realized I 'borrowed' some of her things. I loved your answers, would you consider doing a guest post on my blog, your humor is amazing. Here's my blog http://irunthenight.blogspot.co.uk/
    and here's my gmail- stellahiamey@gmail.com

  2. Hahah, she probably wouldn't adopt me either then! Thanks so much and I'd love to guest post!

  3. Hahahaha I don't see why would she not adopt you after all these reasons xD
    Tweet this to her on twitter,that would be awesome :P

    Neal Kind

  4. Right?! If she veer saw this, I bet I'll be her daughter in no time!

  5. Thanks! But who wouldn't want to stalk Ellen Degeneres?!


Thanks for living in the fast lane and commenting, you cool kid you!