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Feb 29, 2016
Feb 14, 2016
Viciously Single Life
[Just found this draft from 2016, and decided to post knowing full well I've been in a relationship for the past 3 years now haha. Probably 6 months after writing that yikes.]
4 AM Wake up in a sweat when you realize you're dreaming and no, Jake Gyllenhaal will never buy you an edible arrangement.
8 AM Put on nice clothes to fool everyone that you're put together and emotionally stable enough to date real-life people.
10:15 AM Schedule "Date Night XOXO" in your agenda but by Date Night you mean sit by yourself for four hours because nightlife is intimidating and you'd rather watch 2013 movies you still haven't seen yet.
10:18 AM Ignore how sad you sound.
12:45 PM Order 10 piece chicken nuggets because it feels so good and the nuggets will never leave you or let you down.
2 PM Have innerconflict about whether to start a GoFundMe to buy myself an Edible Arrangement or to join a dating site.
4 PM Think about using the money you've saved from not being in a relationship to adopt some cats.
4:20 PM Realize that your future cats will probably leave you too and it's better if you spend the money on food.
6 PM Feast on cake, donuts, and cookies.
7 PM Watch "A Walk to Remember" and try to keep your tears out of your ice cream.
9 PM Listen to Adele and contemplate socioeconomic issues of society.
10 PM Start using buckets to catch your tears.
11 PM As the room floods 4 ft deep with tears, create an edible arrangement business plan.
4 AM Wake up in a sweat when you realize you're dreaming and no, Jake Gyllenhaal will never buy you an edible arrangement.
8 AM Put on nice clothes to fool everyone that you're put together and emotionally stable enough to date real-life people.
10:15 AM Schedule "Date Night XOXO" in your agenda but by Date Night you mean sit by yourself for four hours because nightlife is intimidating and you'd rather watch 2013 movies you still haven't seen yet.
10:18 AM Ignore how sad you sound.
12:45 PM Order 10 piece chicken nuggets because it feels so good and the nuggets will never leave you or let you down.
2 PM Have innerconflict about whether to start a GoFundMe to buy myself an Edible Arrangement or to join a dating site.
4 PM Think about using the money you've saved from not being in a relationship to adopt some cats.
4:20 PM Realize that your future cats will probably leave you too and it's better if you spend the money on food.
6 PM Feast on cake, donuts, and cookies.
7 PM Watch "A Walk to Remember" and try to keep your tears out of your ice cream.
9 PM Listen to Adele and contemplate socioeconomic issues of society.
10 PM Start using buckets to catch your tears.
11 PM As the room floods 4 ft deep with tears, create an edible arrangement business plan.
Feb 3, 2016
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