How to Get Out of a Test

With the end of the school year winding down, tests are at an all time high. Of course none of us want to actually study for a test, pssh, so here are some tips to pass your next test.

- Purchase a swanky gift to give to your teacher the morning of. Buying your teacher nice stuff will definitely put them in a good mood when grading your test. Remember to go big or go home. All teachers enjoy the occasional roasted duck/Porsche/foreign baby.

- Clone yourself and blackmail your clone into taking the test for you with your darkest secret. No one will know the difference. While your clone is forced to take the test, go on and take the day off from school to relax.

- Spend the morning of solving a scandalous murder mystery or stopping a robbery. Your teachers will understand your dedication to the community and forgive your test scores. What can I say, helping humanity > taking a test.

- Discover the cure for cancer; who cares about school if you've cured cancer.

- Convince everyone that you're really an undercover cop sent to report on the current school systems and that you're in no position to actually complete a test.

- Train yourself to develop a severe phobia of tests and check yourself into a mental institution for evaluation. The test will then be the least of your problems.

- Claim the test goes against your religious views. When they ask what religion you practice, act appalled that they would question your beliefs.

- Bring a dinosaur back to life and let it run amuck at school. 

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This post is from my Junior year of high school (My Glory Days) on my school's online newspaper. This old content will be labelled as Fetus Viviane for a glimpse into my 17 year old self. Yes, I made those cartoons on Paint. And yes, I guess I see myself as a bald, stick figure in a pink dress.  So glamorous.